Last but not Last

i know it has been a while since my last post and this is why, a friend of mine came to me a few weeks ago and asked me if I wanted to make with him a blog. this blog will not be exclusively about the life of the local Lebanese and all his troubles but it will tackle a huge amount of subjects including what i have been writing in this blog. with that being said i will have to tell you that this is my last post on this blog, but not my last post ever.
in a matter of days we will launch our new blog, our posts will be more frequent and our will of critique untouched.
you will be able to catch me at the thinking ship

Bravo

In the Lebanese society there are certain jokes that are used on a daily basis by people we know.  These jokes can be verbal as well as gestural. They are the clichés of our everyday life, we are able to anticipate them but unable to prevent them; they are engraved in the brain of every Lebanese such as a Pavlov reflex. There are a lot of these acts, but I will only name a few since I haven’t got all the time in the world, nor are there enough words in the English dictionary to attribute an adjective to each of these clichés.  

One of my favorite cliché is the joke everyone makes on new year, supposing it is the 31^st of December of a random year, and you are about to see this person for the last time for today, as he is leaving you, and holding the elevator door while still making conversation (that is the Lebanese way), this small grin appears on his face, you anticipate what he is about to say but it is too late to stop him. And so it comes out; the most used up joke in the world, the Justin Bieber music to my ears, the new moon movie to my eyes: “I’ll see you next year “he said, and slam the door in his face I did. At least this one is only heard one day of the year. 

Another of my favorite is when you are in a men locker room, as you want to change your clothes from casual to sportswear everyone starts starring at you. You take off you jacket, nothing happens. You take of your shoes, nothing happens. But at the moment you start unbuttoning your shirt every man in the locker room starts to whistle, and they are screaming with these high pitched voices:” lok eh !!!  shala7!! “. This is still merciful compared to what happens when one male takes off his pants, the room turns into a zoo full of hyenas trying to feed off what little self esteem you have on those chicken legs you call thighs.  

You know how there is a different happy birthday song in every country. Well in Lebanon one does not simply cut the cake after one happy birthday song, he has to wait until everyone sings the four traditional birthday songs, in English, French, Arabic and Lebanese. Even though it is the same song in different language and each consists ONLY of saying the following words “happy birthday” in a catching melody. The one happy birthday song that stands out is the Lebanese version, while the other languages wish you a happy birthday; the Lebanese version translates the love every Lebanese has for his belly, since the song consists of saying “we want to eat cake” or in its original Lebanese:” badna nekol gateau”.

Everyone cuts his hair, and it is a perfectly natural thing to do. Quite frankly I am afraid to cut my hair knowing that the next day I’ll have to go to university. There is this other Lebanese clichés that is called a “sa7sou7”, I find myself incapable of finding its equivalent in English. Anyway, the “sa7sou7” consists of having everyone you know pad you on the back of the neck. Some perform a gentle pad out of respect for this “tradition”, as for the others it is an opportunity to show off their power or their and express themselves as the alpha male as they use this chance to give you the strongest smack you will ever receive, really, how often do you get a chance at hitting someone without suffering any consequences. I have absolutely no idea where, when and how this began, and I find it ridiculous and insulting (except when I get to hit others :p ).

Finally my all time favorite, a “funny” joke everyone pulls ever since I got my cell phone, and every cell phone holder suffers from it. If you are sitting with some friends and your mom calls you on your phone, as soon as you pick up these twenty years old friends of yours suddenly loose ten years out of their maturity and they scream:” put away that cigarette while you are talking to your mother”, “Nicolas, it’s your turn to take a sniff of cocaine” or they start making moaning noises as if I was having sex. Supposing I was having sex with a girl, I would certainly not pick up the phone in the middle of things especially if it was my mother. And supposing that for some reason I did pick up the phone, I would certainly not continue my love making while talking to my mother! That would be sick.

Oh! I almost forgot about the extensive use of the word "bravo"...(with a hyphenation on the "a")

for example: 

A: how old are you?

B: 20 years old 

A: Walla bravo !

I can't imagine how hard it was... (there should be a sarcasm font in windows)

p.s. Mom if you are reading this; me not picking up the phone doesn’t mean I am having sex. 

Cloudy with a chance of rain

While you are living in Lebanon many things can go unnoticed because they become part of our routine; things that any foreigner would consider as strange but in our point of you they represent a habit that we got used to, we are like a lion that has been tamed and taught to live by the rules that are imposed on him.  But the subject that I will talk about is in contradiction with the name of this blog since it is not typically Lebanese because it has only manifested itself this year. What I am going to talk about is the weather that has been cast on us this year.  Unable to predict the weather, TV stations left us no choice but to believe the exact opposite of what they are broadcasting. Usually the Lebanese reaction to the typical weather is very predictable:

1-Octobre: in this month, the regular Lebanese hangs his t-shirts in the closet and starts unpacking his winter kit and his ski equipment (the Lebanese are very passionate about skiing and start preparing 3 month in advance).  Also in this month he starts complaining about the lack of early showers that usually open up the rain season. And based on this keen observation, this Lebanese practices one of the sports he is the master of which is jumping to conclusions, and postulates that this year will be dry and that we will have some water troubles in the upcoming summer.

2-November: at this point we start experiencing some rain, but the Lebanese that was complaining in October is still not satisfied and worried that we haven’t reached the yearly amount of water dropped on our territory (noting that we are still in November, and it is called a YEARLY amount)

3-December-January-February:  in these three months every Lebanese will regret every complain he said during the previous months since the sky will open up and empty a bottomless bucket of water onto Lebanon thus drowning us under several meters of snow. It is at that moment that the Lebanese will take out their mitts and boots, jump in a car and go have a snow trip. For the skiers this will be a tremendous opportunity to show off their class skipping skills and enjoy themselves in faraya or the cedars or any other ski station. As for the rest of us, we will go to a mountain, make a barbeque on the snow, build a snow man, and then to practice another Lebanese tradition which is show off, we will put some snow on the car just to show to the rest of the world that we did it, we played with some snow, and now we are going to rub it in your nose, and to push the knife further into the wound, we will post all of the trip photos on Facebook. This period is also marked by the incredibly high amount off cold and flu which attack everyone and leave none at the mercy of their nose blowing, loud coughing and incessant sneezing symptoms.

4-March: usually the wrath of the winter is taken down and the flowers start blooming, the Lebanese is happy to see the sun again and put back the heavy coats in the closet, which he was wearing for 3 months. But there is always something to complain about in this country and this time it is the end of the ski season that is turning some smiles upside down and causing uninterrupted nagging for the whole month. However this year March was not merciful and he hammered us with some heavy rain and snow thus preventing us from healing from our flu or cold and leading us into an infinite punishing circle of nose blowing.  But the skiers are incredibly happy since for the first time they will be able to ski in April while other people might be a t the beach.

In conclusion we can say that this year the weather is more schizophrenic than John Nash, changing from sun to rain in a window of 15 minutes. But this is the beauty of Lebanon, the ability of enjoying opposites in a short term of time, take for example the fact that we can go from the sea to the snow in the matter of an hour, which is the Lebanese fun fact that we brag about the most even if no one does it.

Table for six

The subject that I will to talk about in this post is the food in Lebanon. Since eating is the Lebanese national sport I feel I must treat this subject with the utmost care and attention. There is a variety of food in Lebanon but the most striking and most popular cuisine are; Lebanese, American, French, Chinese, Japanese, Italian … here is the most eaten food and the significance of each:

1-American food: two restaurants describe the fast food in Lebanon; burger king and McDonald, or as it is referred to in Lebanon; Macdo. These two multinational enterprises are in a constant battle regarding the number of peers each one has. There is this group of people who state that McDonald is better than burger king and the other group says otherwise. But what we can all agree on is that none of those two restaurants serve us anything that is even close to meat. But still, they have a large popularity in Lebanon.

2- Burger joints:  the first burger joint that I know of is “let’s burger” near Sassine square, and that lead to an uncontrolled chain reaction and an untamable spread of this very profitable business. This restaurant was later followed by: “classic burger”, “brgr & co”, “the burger bar”… in this category there is also a division among us Lebanese. There is the group that asserts that “classic burger” is by far the best burger in Beirut, and there is the other half who says that “brgr & co” is better than “classic burger” yet the prices of the last one are more reasonable. The difference between these restaurants and McDonald and burger king is that these restaurants actually serve us something that can be considered as eatable, you do not get a wasteburger instead of a hamburger.

3-French restaurants: the French restaurant that is the most known is without a doubt “le relais de l’entrecote” at monot street. This restaurant is synonym to the words valentine’s day and girlfriend’s birthday. It is the hot spot for a romantic date as well as the most cliché restaurant to which you can ask a girl out. There are other French restaurants throughout the city but none of them has the charisma of “le relais de l’entrecote”. This other restaurant is immerging it goes by the name of “rare” but it didn’t quite make a reputation for itself.

4-Lebanese restaurants: it is without a doubt the most spread cuisine in the country and yet I find it surprising how not all the Lebanese have a weight problem; considering the amount of food we eat when we go to one of these restaurants it stuns me that not every one of us weighs more than 120 kilos. When one goes to a Lebanese restaurant, it means that he made a full day commitment, supposing you arrive at one, and then if you eat as fast as you can you will leave at four o’clock, since the Lebanese are relatively slow eaters when it comes to their own cuisine then you have just linked lunch and dinner. This is how a lunch at a Lebanese restaurant usually goes; before you are even seated you must order the arguileh (chicha), then you take your time asking everyone on the table what they want as” mezza” and you order it, for the next 2 hours platters of food will be landing on the table, more than the eye can see, more than the brain can count and more than the Lebanese belly can carry. You would think that this is the end of it, that what you had is lunch, but it is merely the appetizers since a sea of grilled chicken and meat is about to take over, and the irony is that every time everyone gets stuffed of appetizers and leaves absolutely no room for the main course, leaving the barbeque as feast to the bees that are roaming around you. You would say that it is over, that you can leave in peace, but then comes the dessert which is a set of fruits and suddenly everybody finds their appetite again. The saying:”to have the eyes bigger than the belly” can be applied to perfection when one goes to a Lebanese restaurant.

5-Japanese restaurants: in Lebanon Japanese restaurants can only mean one thing; sushi, and that only means one thing; an opportunity to show off my chopsticks handling skills. It is undoubtedly the most expensive cuisine one can find and yet we find a sushi place at the corner of every street and there we come across the homeless man that sits around the curve begging us for money, we can ask ourselves what a man that can barely clothe himself is doing at a sushi restaurant but then we remember that this is Lebanon and that even beggars have to show off. I still recall a time when we cared where we ate sushi because it is raw fish and can get us seriously sick, but now we swallow this food at every place that serves them.

6- Chinese restaurants: there is nothing to specific about Chinese restaurants in Lebanon, the most known is chopsticks and has nothing that jumps of the page. But I brought up this topic in order to express my jealousy towards the American people. In every sitcom everyone always gets Chinese food delivered to their place and they come in these cardboard boxes that can be assimilated to a cube or something of that sort. So I raise the question: why don’t we have these boxes?

7-after party: the after party is what I like to call these restaurants that stay open 24h per day, the most known of them is “Zaatar w Zeit”. If you go to the sodeco branch of this restaurant you will come across a minimum of 5 friends who will be most probably hazy and hungry as hell. The second after party that is quite popular is “domino’s pizza”. However his delivery service is much more active than his actual restaurant, he remains the king of pizza after a long night, since at that time it is the only pizza restaurant that will be open and you would have drank enough at the bar to be able swallow it.

If you walk the streets of Beirut, you will see an assemblage of delivery motorcycles breaking every law in order to fill up the bellies of the hungry Lebanese. Some people work out their jaw muscles 12 hours a day and still it is too much to ask from them to stand up once In a while and actually go to a restaurant.

Growing Up

It is custom to the lebanese elders to perform some visits to their friends or grandchildren. Ever since I was a kid, both my grandmothers came to our house on a weekly basis. At first, these visits were the high point of my week since my grandmothers snuck me some candy which they had in their purse and which my mom forbid me to eat. The question that I kept asking myself when I was a kid, who didn’t discover the world, is where did my grandmother get so much candy, and why did she put it in her purse. Is she like willy wonka? Does she have a secret chocolate factory hidden in her house along with a bunch of umpa lumpas? I performed several searches of her house but I didn’t come up with anything, she was cleverer than I suspected. As I grew up, I started noticing something that I overlooked before; whenever we offered my grandma some chocolate or some hard candy she would take it as it is and put it in her purse. At first I thought that she would eat it later at home but then I came to the conclusion that represents the sad reality. All the chocolate that I had as a kid, were given to her by other people, and our chocolate will be offered to some strangers. From now on whenever she offers me candy I ask her about the latest time she got out of her house, just to estimate the time this chocolate spent in her purse. Like I said, as a kid I enjoyed those visits, but as I grew up they started to cause me more discomfort. Every visit is accompanied by some nagging on my looks; why don’t I shave, by some nagging on the fact that I do not call her on a daily basis, by some nagging on her maid,… I have problems of my own which are far from being solved, I don’t mind listening to her but since it is the same topics of conversation week in and week out I find these visits a little dull. Another thing that elder people do is whenever someone who they knew, even for the shortest period of time dies they wear black for 40 days. While she was young my grandma was quite popular, and now all her friends are leaving us due to diseases or other miscellaneous reasons so this means that I haven’t seen my grandmother wearing anything other than black for a full year. At first I thought that it was hard for her all her friends dying, but once I asked her why she was wearing black this time, she told me that the daughter of the man who owns the mini-market from where they buy their groceries have died. I told her that it was a little bit extreme but then she told me that what if she crosses this man and she wasn’t wearing black, it would be awkward. Correct me if I’m wrong but I do not find it right to mourn on some person who we didn't even know.

There is something that I do not understand in our parents and grandparents, why is it that they find it so hard to send a message on the cell phone? You merely have to follow a set of lousy instructions to get there. We did it; and it is not like we have a divine technologic power that enables us to see through the software. There is nothing easier than sending a message but they find it so hard to understand that “create a new message” means to create a new message. This is not a generalization but a critique of the minority who suffers from SMS syndrome.

Here is a habit that I find hilarious in our current Lebanese society. Whenever someone is at our house for a visit they stay for an hour or so. The first 30 to 40 minutes are intense with conversation but then the dialogue starts to move slowly until it reaches a total stop, and that is when the visitors signal that they will leave. As they get to the elevator door, accompanied by the host of course or else it would not be honorable, all subjects start flowing and the most interesting debate takes place all of this and the visitor is holding the elevator door open completely ignoring the fact that other people might want to use the lift. This much interesting debate finds no end, until it is ruptured by someone banging against the elevator door on a different floor screaming and shouting. It is at that moment that we realize that we were holding the elevator for about 10 min. We let the elevator go as the visitor is too ashamed to go in it and face the rage of the person who started claiming his right from the top of his lungs.

Let us not forget that in a few years we will be like them, in this judgmental and narrow minded fashion. 

Ach8afieh

It has been 20 years that I live in Achrafieh; the heart of Beirut, and I must say that there are some ups and downs to it. First of all let us look at the glass as half full. Achrafieh really has a lot to offer, it is the center of everything that a young Lebanese might find entertaining, let us start with ABC who offers a wide range of shopping, movies and restaurants. But if you are in the mood of clubbing there is Gemmayze who is 15 min away on foot or 40 min by car. Everything is within walking distance so if you are taking a stroll in Achrafieh you can spare yourself the trouble of driving. But there is also a downside, the traffic jams caused by misplaced traffic lights, cabs, … the car horns are the symphony to which every resident wakes up in the morning or from an afternoon nap. This is my regular weekday in Achrafieh:

The smell of gasoline wakes me up

Car horns honking never stops

I am a little late, I race to my car

Cause a little delay may take me far

It’s pointless I didn’t beat the rush

Now my patience will be crushed  

There are traffic jams on every street

I know I’ll spend 2 hours in my driver seat

Accusations and insults are in every mutter

Tension is so sharp it could slice butter

I somehow get to college on time

But on the way back there was a crime

Because my patience was killed and my money stolen

Throughout the journey my gas pointer has fallen

Salvation is near, I can see my place

But the curse isn’t over there is no parking space

I am doomed to circle the streets of this city

And hope that someday, the government will feel pity

And save me from my misery

That is known as Achrafieh.

Enough talking about the city per se, because there is more to Achrafieh than roads, cars and buildings. There are the inhabitants, Achrafieh is known for being the nest of snobs, well that is a typical Lebanese stereotype which is built on a false observation. Achrafieh is divided into many groups, and here are some of the most known:

1-the sassinists: they are a bunch of male teenagers who sit around sassine square (considered as the heart of achrafieh) eating dried pumpkin seeds (bezer). They stand there in their freshly bought moccasin (from Massimo dutti of course) and a blazer that matches with their belt and socks near an ATM machine. The reason they stand near an ATM machine is if a girl shows any interest in them they can quickly withdraw some money.

2-the Snobs: they are this army of aishti buying, Louis vuiton carrying and Sandro wearing girls who lose their identity to a series of brands and become some sort of walking commercial to this high class store. They do not pick an item by the fact that it is beautiful or not, but by the name of the brand it carries ignoring the fact that all our clothing from Armani to Arnani that we buy from ABC or burj hammoud are manufactured in china. I do not encourage piracy, but I am saying that it is ridiculous to be wearing clothes which combined can be the price of a car.

3-the tantes: they are probably the most popular inhabitants of achrafieh, they are this series of elderly women who speak French, a bit of Arabic and English (because it is not chic to speak Arabic) and who spend all their days at beauty salons or at each other places talking about their maids; “ je ne crois pas que celle qui travaille chez hugette a fait sa !!”, gossiping about each other “ tu a su que la fille de wadad a un peiti ami qui n’est pa libanais?!” and criticizing the new generation “ hal jil Abadan mech zabit! Ils passent tout leur temps 3al fessebook”.

Finally, one can say that living in achrafieh is like being stuck in the corner of a room full of ugly naked women except one who is on the opposite corner and who is not attracted to you. Here is why I made this comparison: it is noisy as hell, all you need is around, everyone seems to be preventing you from going where you want and when you get there you might have some trouble parking. 

MpH

This is a subject that I wanted to treat for a while but somehow it kept on getting pushed over. The subject is about an activity that is practiced in every country and yet we find a way to stand out from the crowd since we do it in a totally different way. The action I am referring to is quite simple really, it is driving a car. There are no gray areas in this field, you have to abide by the rules, and obey the laws. You cannot go driving around as you please. Since the Lebanese national sport is bending over the rules, we do not comply and this puts other at risk. The drivers are divided into 2 sections, the ones who do not stop at a traffic light; they are either color blind, or just stupid. And the other half who stops at the traffic light, this section of people has three actions that I find hilarious: first of all, as they are coming, and see that the light has turned to orange they put the pedal to the metal and go full speed trying to avoid the red light and forgetting that the purpose of the orange light is to slow down. The other action that dazzles me is when they are the third or second car in a lane; the second the light turns green they honk for the first person in the lane to move it and do not take in consideration the time needed for the car to kick off. The third one and in my opinion the funniest, when they arrives just as the light turns red, some people get out of their car and go to the nearest shop and charge their phone credit; that is the beauty in the Lebanese driver, he doesn’t have a minute to lose. 

Since we have no control of the streets, those illegal actions go unpunished. And sometimes when stuck in traffic and in the absence of a policeman, some of the drivers go out of their cars and start guiding the traffic as they please just for them to get out of this jam and reduce their gas consumption. Every morning as I get in my car there are three things I worry about on the streets; the taxi cars, the motorcycles and the middle aged women with 4x4. For the taxi, the reason is quite simple, the cars are usually old and poorly maintained; missing every blinker light he has, they can stop at any moment and the only signal they give you is waving their hand out of the window, always wondered what they do when it’s raining. If you are stuck behind a taxi in a narrow street, he insists on taking every person on the block to their destination, and you are powerlessly behind him cursing as your brain is trying to figure out a way to get you out of this mess.

 

The second thing I dislike is motorcycles, or as I call them; the mosquitoes of the streets. In Lebanon motorcycles are not considered vehicles (Go figure) therefore they do not follow the rules the cars abide with, in fact they do not follow any rule, they don’t have to stop on traffic lights, all the streets work both ways for them and they do not stick by a lane. They contempt themselves by slaloming around cars and getting crammed in less comfortable situations letting the car driver to worry about them and if they mess up and get knocked down they do not spare you an insult all the way to your mother, sister and sometimes a whole generation. But the cherry on the top of the cake is the fact that in the occasion of a collision between a car and a motorcycle, the driver of the car is always the one to blame and the cause of the accident will be 100% his fault. Finally, I get to the middle aged women in the 4x4, I like to call them the cleaners (no sexism intended) because in their high cars they do not stop for anyone, pushing everyone away since they want to pass, since in their high cars they are immune to accidents, and if they get into one, they burst out screaming and at you from the top of their lungs because in their minds they are right and you are wrong, but as soon as it turns out that the accident was their fault, they say that the system is corrupt. 

I’ve been going on and on about the drivers but I forgot to talk about the streets, those dark streets where you are blinded by the lights of the car coming towards you, those dark streets where all the traffic lights are off, those streets that have holes deeper than valleys and wider than seas, holes so many that we have to take major risks to avoid them. Let’s not forget about the crown jewel of the Lebanese engineers a true landmark that is sure to make it into the 7 wonders of the world; it is the bridge in the middle of the highway. But still, cars are a true passion in Lebanon, if you ask someone what is faster than a speeding bullet; they won’t answer by “Superman” but by "Bugatti Veyron Super Sport".

New Year, Same Shit.

New Year’s came and New Year’s past

Many hope it won’t be our last

But things are always gonna be the same

Teenagers getting drunk, playing liquor games

Parents at home watching television

Waiting for a guy to tell them his visions

But this year there was a new twist

That only in Lebanon it can exist.

Many are speculating that this may be our last NYE since the Mayan calendar indicates that the world will end on the 21^st of December 2012, well since I do not believe in this theory I consider 2012 to be just like any other 366 day cycle. I decided to start this New Year by a little poem and a little article to share with you some of the Lebanese NYE traditions. The first time the NYE topic pops out it is usually in the beginning of December, when every Lebanese starts to figure out that he has a lot of month at the end of his money. The ritual of the New Year’s Eve starts to take place two weeks before the 31^st of December.

Step 1: Denial (2 weeks before the 31^st)

At this point everyone is saying that they will not go to Faraya this year; peaking at 1500m and despite the snow and ice, Faraya is the local hotspot for the NYE raves and parties. And why is it that they don’t want to go; because it is full of children, very crowded, ridiculously expensive and a bit cliché.

Step 2: Empowerment (10 days before the 31^st)

At this stage our subject is still walking on the path that does not take him to Faraya, and even if all his attempts to organize and plan a proper NYE party have failed he is stating clearly that he would rather stay at home and watch a wannabe fortune teller work his way into the naïve minds of society than go to Faraya.

Step 3: Acceptance (1 week before the 31^st)

By that time, about three quarters of the samples we were talking about have reached this level; the other 25% are determined to refuse to go to Faraya at NYE. The 75% we are talking about have bowed to the champagne drinking, chalets renting, caviar eating, 300$ paying way of life. Even if it is too crowded or if it is filled with younger people, whether it is too cold or freezing, you’ll find them there, drinking to forget the problems of yesterday. And why is it they surrendered; because it is cool to be at Faraya for NYE. It is THE place to be.

Step 4: Surrender (36 hours before the New Year)

All of them have this unscheduled meeting at Bou Khalil (a local supermarket) to get their needs for the party. Needless to say that on the 30^th of December this supermarket ends its year with a register full of cash. Happy New Year indeed.

However not everyone goes to Faraya for NYE, there is a small portion who stays home at switches from TV channel to TV channel, hearing meaningless predictions about what is going to happen in the year that is awaiting us. Another portion of society finds an empty house in which they can get drunk on the smoothing lyrics of Tirachrach and drink their memories away. Finally there is this part of society that enjoys going to raves in clubs; I cannot elaborate on this subject since I have never been to a nightclub on NYE.

You know how everyone celebrates the New Year for about ten minutes because they do not know which one of their clocks have the right time, and they argue about it. Well this year to my enormous surprise the government has decided to unify us and point out to us the exact moment when the national clock strikes midnight. How did they do that without being ignored? Well they shut down the electricity at midnight leaving us in a total blackout. This year the people in the big chairs decided to wish us a happy new year and demonstrated a wind of change concerning 2012.

It is hilarious that we think we can light up very house in Lebanon, yet the building of the Lebanese electricity is not properly lit

 Happy New Year 

The Christmas Curse

Christmas came and left without being noticed, aside of the unusual traffic jams and the human filled clothing stores I haven’t been in the mood of the holidays. They say that it is the most wonderful time of the year, but I find no joy in the fact that it takes me 30 min to get to my house although I am 100m away. And I find it ridiculous to wait in line for 20 min just to pay for my sweater. In this season everyone is broke because of buying gifts to their relatives, gifts that they will probably exchange later. This opens my first topic of conversation; gift exchanging. Why is it so wrong to tell someone that you did not like the gift they got you, it is known that I have different taste than you and if we did have the same taste then we would be the same person. I will not necessarily like what you got me; you might find it hilarious but I think of it as dull, after all that is the meaning of a society; a group of different people. We are all unique, from the way we dress, to the way we think and the list goes on. So why is it wrong to tell someone that you did not like their gift, why should we sit there with our fake smile trying to make up a use for what we just received while you can just say that you appreciate the gesture but you do not like this particular shirt, or trousers,…  And the most excruciating gifts are the ones we get from our grandparents; I really appreciate the fact that they took the time to go and pick out a gift for me, but if they must get me something, I prefer that they give me some money because we have very different taste and I cannot exchange their gift since they expect me to wear it whenever I see them, and if I don’t they will ask me about it. They might not know it, or they may deny it; but they put a lot of pressure on us, they dictate our lives, our parents can understand us but grandparents have lived and brought up kids of their own so they are set in their ways. The second Christmas tradition that I dislike takes place in the few days after Christmas; when we have for lunch and dinner all the leftovers from Christmas eve, we go from house to house, eating cake to cake because it is impolite to say no if you are offered; it is the Christmas blessing.  Well we all have a belly full of blessings and a month of subscription to the gym to prove it. 

 At Christmas, we bring out the street decorations (who have a lifetime of 1 day) and along comes the street beggars who harass you, literally jump on your car just to get a little money, we can pity them as much as we want, but the fact is that this money you are giving doesn't go to them, and even if we must be generous during this time of year their lives won’t get any better.

New year’s eve; the biggest disappointment,  it is the obsession of every young Lebanese since November, they all say they are tired of Faraya, that it is full of younger teenagers and that they’d rather stay home than go up there, but on the 31^st you’ll find all of them with their 20cm high heels and their tight clothes standing in the snow on the outside of a club they paid their ass off to go to even if they know that it will be crowded as hell and they’re probably not going to have fun. It is the Lebanese way of thinking; forget the cons, but nag about them later.

Legions of Religions

 It is said that all men are created equals, but every one of us is different from the other; whether it is skin color, way of thinking and religious beliefs. That last one I find expendable and here is why: from the moment mankind appeared they started believing in some higher power to put sense into what they thought was unexplainable; the creation of mankind, the creation of fire, and the answer to the most important question of what happens after we die. Throughout History, every civilization had its explanations and consequently its own religion, from the Egyptians, to the Romans, the Greeks and the Hebrews. Then submerged some more like the Christians, the Muslims, the Buddhist, the Hindu… all of them with the “divine” purpose to enlighten us and make us live in harmony, but then everyone used its believers to create an army and fight in the name of god. But then science broke through, and another war started, one that made religion have its hands full because science gave a more logic explanation to everything and it proved that what religion was saying was wrong. The earth isn’t flat with hell below and heaven above like they suggested, it is round and turns around the sun along with some other planets, the story of Adam and Eve proved to be wrong as Darwin pointed out that we evolved from primates. The purpose of what I am saying is this: why should we divide ourselves over religion while science can unify us? Science is universal and unique; it has one true answer to every question. We do not see scientists marching to war because one gave an explanation that the other doesn’t agree to, but in 1096 we saw the pope giving orders to go and kill the “sinners” who have taken Jerusalem. One can say that science is a dangerous weapon, but it is the wickedness of man that made it like this, it is his need for destruction that made him misuse this blessing.  Getting back in our world today and more specifically in Lebanon, we are still fighting this unfinished war between Christians and Muslims, every side living in its own part of town fearing to go to the other side. Our capital is divided in half; Beirut west and Beirut east, I was born a Christian, I live in the east side of our nation’s capital and I know some people who are not allowed to go to Beirut west in fear of something happening. Yes there was a war, yes it left an unhealed scar in your being, but parents have to understand that the young generation should patch things up, bridge the gap between these beliefs that I find ridiculous. Parents should not hold megaphones and scream into the minds of their children what they should do and what they should believe in, just the other day while I was at a bar enjoying a drink with a couple of friends we heard some screams coming from the outside, a few boys about my age were beating another one, they threw him on cars, stomped his face, ripped his clothes. We found out later that this all started when the boy insulted Jesus. You could say that it was the alcohol acting, but if their parents didn’t spoon feed them all this hatred for the other religion none of that would have happened.  If the original purpose of religion is no longer needed then why is it still here present in our everyday lives? We brag to the outside world that Lebanon is a crossroad of civilizations, well I think of it as a front. Religion plays a nasty part in politics too; a religious figure shouldn’t stand on a weekly basis and give its political opinion which influences the masses, just like the soldier who is not allowed to vote, a religious figure is entitled to an opinion but he should keep it to himself. You devoted your life to praise and adore your god, then your role is to pray and not to run this country, leave politics to the people who understand them (who are rare in this country). 

Another example of the simplicity of our way of thinking; in the down town of Beirut there is a beautiful mosque with high minaret, a true landmark. And near it a regular size church, a few weeks ago I noticed that this church is building a freakishly large bell tower, its proportions to the size of the church make it nothing short of hideous. I paused for a moment to think why would they do such a thing, do they have no taste what so ever. And then I realized that the answer was in front of me, the only reason they are making this bell tower so big and tall is for it to be higher than the minarets of the nearby mosque. Are we so simple minded that we let these little petty things bother us, that we reduce ourselves to these pesky little tits and tats. And what I found more alarming is when I told this story in front of some of my friends they encouraged it. This is a country that will forever be rear minded since its future is still living in the past.

But we must hand it to religion; sometimes in Lebanon it can walk hand in hand with science, the bible and every church have a Facebook or Twitter account now. They are spreading the word of god status by status, tweet by tweet.

Pupil Dilatation

A few days ago, while I was walking on the street I was approached by a teenager with a green peace t-shirt. He asked me if he could take a few minutes of my times to talk to me about the Lebanese environment. As he started reciting what he obviously had been spoon-fed by one of the big fish of this organization, he showed me a picture of a beach they cleaned recently. Then, he asked me the amount of the donation I was about to give. I respectfully declined to be a part of this organization simply because I think that there is no hope for this country to achieve environmental friendliness, I mean let’s have a look at the fumes that come out of the electricity company in zouk and all the trash they are throwing in the sea; from oil, to random industrial waste. And this pollution isn’t restricted to this company, for all the Lebanese people take part in this action as they consider the sea to be their own trash can; a few years ago, there were reports of some cow heads floating somewhere along the Lebanese sea line. This young optimist activist then asked me that if I had a child who had cancer would I not try every medicine, go through every doctor in the world and spend every penny I had to try and find him a cure. I responded:” of course I would only if my child wanted to, but if for a random reason my child doesn't want to be cured then he will refuse to take the medicine, he won’t go to any doctor appointment I set up and all the money I spend will be wasted because this attitude that he is having is going to kill him and there is nothing I can do. 

What I am aiming for is not to change you, nor to make you take action but just to open your eyes every time a taxi driver throws a bag out of his car window, every time a smoker keeps his cigarette on the floor, etc… and let you see that this is your country they are littering, this is your country they are polluting, and it doesn't matter how much money you will donate because every time you clean, someone will come and mess up behind you. And I asked this kid if he went back to that beach he cleaned and took a look at it and saw the waste piled up near the oil tarnished water. I was wrong, I thought for years that the problem with our country was our leaders but the actual parasite that is eating this country up is its people and their non-caring way of thinking; that they have the privilege to mess up because someone will come and clean after them.

 That also applies in fields such as the Lebanese way to drive; the Lebanese driver considers that every car is going to move along and let his majesty pass.  Politically this explains a lot, because the power is supposedly in the hands of the people who are uncaring and will elect more uncaring leaders to sit in these gold crested chairs and not give a fuck about this country. And that is the sad truth that I came across today, for this country to get better we have to start by the basics and teach the ignorants how to preserve what I consider the most beautiful country in the world. I will get my mallet and my chisel and start sculpting the Lebanon that I dreamed of for many nights.

Let's hope it changes

We must acknowledge the fact that in Lebanon the upcoming generation thinks that they can be in two places at one time. On a Friday night, the regular Lebanese has about 3 places to be at, and 7 people to see, we clearly have a problem with saying no to someone who wants to see us. Since it is obvious that it is practically impossible for us to achieve all of this, we’re bound to disappoint someone. But we think that it is better if we lie to them; tell them that our friend is travelling and we must see him, that we have a lot of studies, or the most ridiculous excuse of sickness. And every time as we hear their disappointment filled voices we swear to ourselves that it is the last time that you take on so many projects because you “care” about your friend and you don’t want to see him get hurt. But you’ll do it again, this very same cycle that will know no end. But the worst part is that every time you say that you are going to stop this profanity you’ll only be lying to yourself. But the question that I ask myself is why do we do this? And the best possible answer is that we categories our friends in a pyramidal pattern.  On the top are the few friends that we enjoy seeing the most, lower, there is the friends that we enjoy less, etc… And clearly on the bottom there is this mass of people that we once knew, in a time when our interests where the same and we hope to see some day, we have an unset date together that keeps on getting postponed to an undefined time. And the way this pyramid works is that if on a Friday night we are set to see a “friend” and later another “friend” from a higher layer of the pyramid contacts you, you’ll dump the person from the lower layer like a month old sock. It is unnecessary to say that a person can be on the top of your pyramid but you are in the middle of his. But not everyone is like that, there is a small minority who is honest and honors the power of a verbal agreement. Their patterns are circles; no one better than another.

The whole point of me babbling about this subject is to say that we are losing our honor; we talk the talk but we don’t walk the walk. That is sad because you can no longer trust anyone, not even the persons who are the closest to you. To put it in a nutshell, this generation has a commitment problem; if you currently cannot trust the word of your friend to make plans for Friday night, how in the future are you going to trust a stranger to make plans for your country? 

Lebanese Nightlife

As a common Lebanese teenager, the bar scene is very important, it is where you HAVE to be to have a social life. It is the ideal place “ta to2tof”    (local slang which implies picking up girls) and to get drunk. In Lebanon, bars are localized in certain regions, in Beyrouth for instance you have: Monot (the  dying bar scene), gemmayze ( the local bar scene), hamra ( the growing bar scene). In these bars you see girls who are dressed at their very best; 20 cm heels, short dresses, and freshly done “brushing”… As for the boys they are all extremely ripped with tight muscles (probably because they did about 100 push-ups before they came). These boys and girls come in groups to various bars, but in every bar you can spot these very same sections of people:

1-The WOO group: It is the group of persons (mostly girls) who are at that bar since the beginning of the happy hour, order mostly shots and scream an ear drum breaking WOOOOO before they take every shot. They want to be heard, they want to be seen, and that is why they want us to feel their presence.

2-The loner: It is a guy who spends his entire evening at the corner of the bar with his eyes glued to his iphone, playing some ridiculous game.

3-Wanabee bouncers: It is usually 2 or 3 guys with very muscular bodies who sit at the bar with their beers and just look around as if they have it all under their control, and if there is a “mashkal” they are the first to intervene. They also think that girls will approach them instantly just like the fish approaches the bait, but what they are missing is that girls aren’t as dumb as fish (for some females this hypotheses is debatable).

4-the H.R. person (H.R. = human resources): It is the guy who spends his entire night on his blackberry trying to get more of his friends to join his group, he usually fails miserably.

5-the bartender’s friend: he/she is usually with 2 of his/her friends, they get free shots all night long which makes the WOO group jealous, this group of people is always there with the only purpose of making everyone look at them. They are like the WOO group, only they pay less.

6-The hitter: drunk, alone, tireless, young are the words that describe the hitter. He is someone who is VERY drunk, hits on every girl he sees, always getting rejected, dances alone all night long and tries to blend in a group. He is someone that is constantly laughed at because “manno mwaffa2” or “t2a5ar el mawsam chway “. He attracts the laughter of the wannabe bouncers as his dance moves are nothing but good. He ends up the night by going home alone and fantasizing about a girl he saw and dreams of getting. 

7-the bartender flirter: it is someone who is sitting alone at the bar, but not as pathetic as the loner or the hitter or the wannabe bouncers, he/she is constantly ordering drinks for the only purpose of getting more chance to speak to the bartender. It is a method that has a low to medium chance of working. But when it does, that person is usually making out with the bartender during his working hours and that is making the WOO group jealous because there is a delay in their order. When it doesn’t work, this person usually passes out at the bar.

8-the birthday boy/girl: it is a group of people who come to a bar to celebrate this person’s birthday; they do not hold much interest in this analysis of the Lebanese night life since they are practically transparent except when the cake comes!!

9-the pick-upper: just like the loner, this person hits on every girl in the bar but with a much higher success rate, he is the one French kissing every girl in the WOO group. Or when the bartender is a hot girl, he can focus all his mojo on her and so he will be undermining the bartender flirter. This person is being envied by every dude in the bar and so they insult him and his mother and his sister.                                                                                                               Note: A person like this is not present at every bar, he is very rare.

10-the first timers:  It is a group of 15-16 year olds who want to experience the teenage nightlife. They start by ordering the only thing they know; which is beer then they move on to a more serious drink; vodka. They are trying to make an impression, to leave a mark, but the only mark they’ll be leaving is their puke on the ground, and then they will just go to sleep bowing their heads on their vodka covered table and dreaming of a story to tell their parents because they were up late.

11-The High rollers: A large group of persons (mostly boys) who occupy a huge part of the bar. From the moment they come in, they order “dazinit 2anene vodka” just to get the night started, and then a bottle of the cheapest champagne there is (Ethiopia’s finest).they get the attention of the entire bar since one of them is the screamer ( character who will be developed later). They finish the night drifting with their infinity.

12-the drunks:

 -Boy: it is a dude who belongs to the high rollers, he probably drank a full bottle of vodka by himself ( sec of course) he dances on the bar, creeping everybody out, raising his hands and shaking them as if he wants to fly. He ends up the night falling from the bar and taken home by one of his friends.     

-Girl: it is someone who belongs to the WOO group, she dances at the bar as well (p.s. she is not trying to fly) moving her body in every way giving every guy an erection. She then falls into the arms of one of her admirers, and then picks-up the dancing.

13-the creepy old dude: NO DESCRIPTION AVAILABLE

14-the screamer: he belongs to the high rollers, his mouth has been surgically removed and replaced by a megaphone. When the right dose of alcohol is in his system he turns his inhuman machine on and screams from the top of his lungs a very familiar sound to the Lebanese ear; YALLA YALLA OUHH OUHH YALLA YALLA OUHH OUHH …everyone notices his presence somehow annoying, he is the tip of the iceberg of wazwaza, still everyone joins in for an unknown reason.

Finally we can say that the Lebanese nightlife is different from other countries, yet the same. Every bar or pub has these persons, you may not know them, you may be them, or you may hate them, but they are here and there is nothing we can do about it. But you cannot deny their existence. 

overview of society

Look at the mirror, the person you are looking at is not you, it is the person you want to see but not the person you are seeing. You are meerely looking at the deformed result of a lifetime of work you put yourself to, you are now glancing at what society made you, of what it wants you to be, of what you should be and not of what you are. What you are looking at is neither a man nor a woman, it is neither a child nor an adult, and it is neither black nor white, because what you are looking at is an idea. A projection of what your mind is and not what your exterior looks like. For we misunderstood our eyes they're not receivers, they're emitters, they are the way of exteriorizing what belongs originally in your mind, what is only yours. And that will affect all your other senses, because based on what you think you are, you will only hear what you want to hear, you will only taste what you want to taste, and you will only touch what you want to touch. The purpose of this note is not to criticize the society we live in -even though there is a lot to talk about-but it is a simple observation I made during this few time I've spent here with you. It is a way of expressing what goes on, to shine the light on some dark corners to which we tend to have a forgetfulness attitude, or on some shadowy streets. Shadows created by us standing at our place in society, at where we are supposed to be, and if we move we will eclipse other sides of us, and then we will see another reflection in the mirror not necessarily worse, not necessarily better, but only different. Shadows created by the spotlight of society, which only shines on what it thinks matters and forgets what really counts. The truth is that all of us have our secrets, all of us have some skeletons in our closet, all of us have our shadows, but the more important we are in society, the bigger we will get, and the shadow we cast will do nothing but grow, for we will have more things to hide, more stuff to put in that corner all because we represent the reflection of perfection to this shallow and naive society. But comes a moment in time when our corner is full, when nothing fits in anymore and then it comes out, all the little secrets we wanted to hide, all the gossips we have, everything. Then you won't have this shadow anymore, because you will be right under the spotlight, and no one has a shadow at noon. It is a new beginning, a chance to restart, and the moment you start meeting  people, old or new, it will start, that unstoppable process that keeps on happening, you will get a new shadow, you will put new things in that corner. And then, it will happen again a restructuration of your life, it is nothing but a cycle, a tormenting torturing cycle. It is the only process we can use to purify ourselves and our souls, a process that ends with death, for it is the only salvation we will ever going to get. We are all under the sun in day and a street light at night, not walking, just standing there. For the sun moves, the street light moves and we will remain where we belong, we will remain who we really are but who we pretend to be will change according to that light. It is the way the whole world works, time works like this; a shadow cast by some immovable and dumb object that only does what the light tells him to do, nothing. We humans tend to hate each other, to fight each other, to despise each other, that is why we take great joy in the destruction process of some other people, that is why we tend to nurture a novice, to teach him our ways, so we can destroy him later, watch him fall and crumble. But we are getting out of context, we have to go back to you, standing in front of that mirror and wondering where did you go wrong, because at some point we all shifted from our original trail, that path that has been created to us; not by god, but by your parents and relatives, ever since you were born a grain has been put in your head, a grain that needs a lifetime of nurturing and watering, a grain that will become a tree and bear its own fruits, for since the moment you took your first sight, you are being taught what is wrong and what is right, what is good and what is bad, what is success and what is failure. They want you to grow up and become an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer… because in their eyes, and soon in yours, these are the good jobs, for if you practice one of those you are good and successful.  The corruption of the society starts by your parents, for a child’s brain is like a sponge, it absorbs all it can from the sea of ideas that is surrounding it, and that idea you are looking at in that mirror is the vision your parents have for you, you are nothing but a child standing in your room looking at a mirror and seeing an adult because a visitor that has just left your house told you that “one day you are going to grow up and be like daddy”, so you picture yourself walking like daddy, eating like daddy, loving who daddy loves. You might notice that I am quoting Freud, and it is true for I admire that man. Again we are shifting from our purpose, our job to illuminate what happens in society, our duty towards ourselves to find out who we are. That idea that this child is looking at is the fruits of the tree in his head, that tree that was once a seed, that seed that originated from an opinion, a word, or a remark you heard by walking by the kitchen and overhearing your parents talk about your future, about who you are going to be. Our parents say that they are protecting us from the freaks of society; however they are our biggest threats, armed with our trust, they shove into us all their ideas, their prejudice, their judgments, their narrow minded thinking, and we eat it all up. Foolish us.

politically speaking

this is a note I wrote about a month ago:


Shame on older men who brain wash new generations, shame on older men who feed young minds their prejudice and hatred. We; the upcoming rulers of this country, the future of Lebanon, are idiots. We let these old washed up prehistorical minds mislead us, we let them divide us, we let them lead us into their mistakes, those same mistakes they made many years ago, those same mistakes that caused us a bloody war, where brothers killed each other for the sake of two men none of them had met, for the sake of a “country” they have been dreaming of for many nights and that is never going to come true, or for the sake of religion; did the crusades teach us nothing, are we so blind that we have forgotten our true past and refuse to see the ugly reality that is smacking us in the face, we must face the fact that we are fighting in the name of a god that praises peace, in order to go to heaven; how can someone be so dumb and not see the paradox in this logic we are following. The entire world is divided by race, religion, belief… but we must unite, be the flaming torch that will lead the world into those dark caves and help them to find tolerance, peace and harmony. But I’m getting too far too fast; we are merely crossing the threshold but my thoughts are in the house. We, the Lebanese people, should be like a fist; united and strong, and no matter how small it is it will still make an impact. Forget what those “leaders” are telling you, don’t let your mind be the slave of your parents for they are a part of history, we should learn from them and not copy them. This inspiration comes from the fact that recently there were elections in my university, elections about politics, and the scenes I have seen are nothing but troubling, there is nothing wrong with competition but politics should stay for the elder and the wise, not for the reckless and foolish. I saw a war igniting when the winner was announced, I saw hatred and anger, and for what? To gain the right to rule over the student council and have no political influence whatsoever? The way I see it: ridicule. Students should be elected because they can work and they are popular not because they side with a political party. Fools could be elected just because they FOLLOW this political side, and sadly that is the state of the whole country. Well, we should elect LEADERS; bring in some new thoughts to this young but mentally old community. The war is coming, and instead of avoiding it, we are arming our young men with hatred in order for them to die in the name of a man they haven’t met and a God who forgot them, and the people are incitement puppets controlled by the media.

   

Introduction

since practically no one knows who I am, I will start by a little intro. I am a Lebanese teenager, for those who know nothing about Lebanon it's a small country in the middle east surrounded by Israel and Syria; you can imagine the kind of problems we have. I was brought up as a christian but as soon as I was able to think and see the world for myself I decided that i want to be an atheist because I don't think we should create more differences between us human beings. A lot of my posts (or whatever they are called) are going to be about Lebanon since it is a country that has some pretty special features and I honestly cannot wait to share them.
I am in my second year of electrical engineering but my true passion is writing, but since writers usually end up living in cardboard boxes on the sidewalk I gave myself a safety net.
That is all you need to know for the moment, if you stay tuned you will find out more.