Ach8afieh

It has been 20 years that I live in Achrafieh; the heart of Beirut, and I must say that there are some ups and downs to it. First of all let us look at the glass as half full. Achrafieh really has a lot to offer, it is the center of everything that a young Lebanese might find entertaining, let us start with ABC who offers a wide range of shopping, movies and restaurants. But if you are in the mood of clubbing there is Gemmayze who is 15 min away on foot or 40 min by car. Everything is within walking distance so if you are taking a stroll in Achrafieh you can spare yourself the trouble of driving. But there is also a downside, the traffic jams caused by misplaced traffic lights, cabs, … the car horns are the symphony to which every resident wakes up in the morning or from an afternoon nap. This is my regular weekday in Achrafieh:

The smell of gasoline wakes me up

Car horns honking never stops

I am a little late, I race to my car

Cause a little delay may take me far

It’s pointless I didn’t beat the rush

Now my patience will be crushed  

There are traffic jams on every street

I know I’ll spend 2 hours in my driver seat

Accusations and insults are in every mutter

Tension is so sharp it could slice butter

I somehow get to college on time

But on the way back there was a crime

Because my patience was killed and my money stolen

Throughout the journey my gas pointer has fallen

Salvation is near, I can see my place

But the curse isn’t over there is no parking space

I am doomed to circle the streets of this city

And hope that someday, the government will feel pity

And save me from my misery

That is known as Achrafieh.

Enough talking about the city per se, because there is more to Achrafieh than roads, cars and buildings. There are the inhabitants, Achrafieh is known for being the nest of snobs, well that is a typical Lebanese stereotype which is built on a false observation. Achrafieh is divided into many groups, and here are some of the most known:

1-the sassinists: they are a bunch of male teenagers who sit around sassine square (considered as the heart of achrafieh) eating dried pumpkin seeds (bezer). They stand there in their freshly bought moccasin (from Massimo dutti of course) and a blazer that matches with their belt and socks near an ATM machine. The reason they stand near an ATM machine is if a girl shows any interest in them they can quickly withdraw some money.

2-the Snobs: they are this army of aishti buying, Louis vuiton carrying and Sandro wearing girls who lose their identity to a series of brands and become some sort of walking commercial to this high class store. They do not pick an item by the fact that it is beautiful or not, but by the name of the brand it carries ignoring the fact that all our clothing from Armani to Arnani that we buy from ABC or burj hammoud are manufactured in china. I do not encourage piracy, but I am saying that it is ridiculous to be wearing clothes which combined can be the price of a car.

3-the tantes: they are probably the most popular inhabitants of achrafieh, they are this series of elderly women who speak French, a bit of Arabic and English (because it is not chic to speak Arabic) and who spend all their days at beauty salons or at each other places talking about their maids; “ je ne crois pas que celle qui travaille chez hugette a fait sa !!”, gossiping about each other “ tu a su que la fille de wadad a un peiti ami qui n’est pa libanais?!” and criticizing the new generation “ hal jil Abadan mech zabit! Ils passent tout leur temps 3al fessebook”.

Finally, one can say that living in achrafieh is like being stuck in the corner of a room full of ugly naked women except one who is on the opposite corner and who is not attracted to you. Here is why I made this comparison: it is noisy as hell, all you need is around, everyone seems to be preventing you from going where you want and when you get there you might have some trouble parking.